1. Public toilets that flush when I’m still sitting on them.

2. Automatic sinks that never turn on no matter how wildly I wave my hand in front of the sensor.

3. Street lights that turn off just as I’m driving underneath them.

4. Electronic toys that start talking to me when I walk past them in the store.

5. Automatic doors that won’t open even when I’m jumping up and down on the mat.

6. Toys that have so many buttons and gadgets they are more complicated to use than my computer.

7. Elevators.

8. Toys that have moving eyes.

9. Gas pumps.

10. Self-scanners at the checkout counter that always yell at me for taking items out of the bag when I never do.

It’s 5:30 in the morning and I am wide awake. This is not like me. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen a sunrise… Sure, I’ve been awake for a few of them the past few years. When you have kids it happens. But I’ve never been a morning person. My brain doesn’t usually power up until about ten… nine if I’m lucky. I’ve always wanted to be a morning person. It seems so much more respectable. Early to bed, early to rise as the saying goes. But even if I go to bed early, I can never fall asleep before midnight. My mind just can’t settle down. My best thoughts come during those nighttime hours, when everything is dark and quiet and so still. The daytime stress has been put to bed and I can finally breathe. I love being alone at night, reading or writing or experimenting with lamplight in my photographs. Time seems to slow down for me then, and knowing that sleep is the next thing that’s going to happen feels wonderful.

But here I am- wide awake- and it’s 5:37. It’s dark outside now, but the day is coming at me fast and I can feel my shoulders begin to tense up in preparation. My brain is chugging along, but not with the familiar slow night thoughts. I am thinking about the tasks that need to be completed today. Wondering if I can shower without waking up the kids (unlikely). Lists are forming behind my eyes. Grocery lists and cleaning lists and lists of appointments that need to be made and I just remembered the cats’ bowl has been empty for 24 hours which explains why they’re sitting there following my every movement with those big wet eyes.

It’s 5:44. There’s no way I can fall asleep now. There are so many hours left in this day. Isn’t that something that should fill me with energy and determination…? Why then do I find it so very discouraging?

It’s 5:46.

The first three pieces of evidence that I have, in fact, turned into a frumpy housewife:

1) I have a pimple in my ear.

2) I turned down an invitation for a park play date because I would have had to change out of my nasty/comfy sweats.

3) I wore slippers to the grocery store last night. On purpose.

I have had a serious lack of energy lately. Yesterday was a pretty bad day. The morning was fine- we made an incident-free trip to Costco- but as soon as we got home I just crashed. I tried to doze while Zibbit was napping, but that just made me feel groggy and sluggish for the rest of the day.

I feel so guilty, because I know the kids need me to have the energy to do things with them. They need to get out, go on walks, play at the park, see friends… But I am just so tired all the time. I barely have what it takes to keep them fed and clothed. Anything extra these days just isn’t happening. I don’t know what to do about this.

Although there is a large majority of the time that I go through life completely brain-dead, every once in awhile I do get a little crafty. My latest creative outlet has been designing blogs. I like doing this because you get immediate results and it’s usually not very messy. It’s so fun taking the ideas for beautiful web pages out of my head and turning them into something people can actually use. Very satisfying.

Before I learned how to design blogs (and I use the term “learned” very loosely here, since I know how to do about five things in html and the rest I make my husband help me with) I used my creative juices to paint. I haven’t made anything in a while, but I used to keep myself busy making custom name and letter prints. On the left is a 5″x7″ painted canvas with a wooden letter glued on top. My girls each have one of these with the first letter of their name hanging on their bedroom door. I love making these for gifts, and I even had a few people pay me to create something unique for their child. Here are a couple of the canvases I was paid to paint:

And here’s another of my favorites (sparkly!) that I made for my friend’s baby shower:

It’s just so fulfilling to me to start with a blank white canvas and fill it with something that the recipient would find special and meaningful. I like that something I created will be hanging on someone’s wall, that they’ll look at it and love it every day. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.