Of course this one was going on the blog

Me: Ugh, I’ve been so constipated lately.

Him: I’m sorry honey! …You know, I don’t think I’ve ever been constipated in my life.

Me: What are you talking about? You’re constipated all the time!

Him: No, I’m not.

Me: Then why do you spend half an hour in the bathroom every day?

Him: Oh. That’s because I like it.

Me: What?

Him: It’s fun.

Me: What are you talking about?

Him: C’mon, sitting there all by myself in a quiet room… reading a book… with no pants on. It’s awesome!

Me: [stunned silence]

filed under Madness, Daily Life
February 8, 2007 at 7:25 pm
14 comments

Did you ever feel like crawling under the kitchen table and rolling up into the fetal position?

Although it feels like I have been repeatedly chewed up and spat out by my children the last few days, I have miraculously survived. And what, you may ask, has been my saving grace? This morning Babs woke up with a Mystery Fever- no symptoms other than a mild temperature that magically causes her to be sweet and still and extremely agreeable. She crawled into bed with us this morning claiming she felt “very ill” and has spent most of the day on the couch nibbling crackers and singing to her ponies. Mystery Fever? I think I love you.

Everyone has been in a weird mood lately around here. Babs had a rough couple of days at preschool with one of her friends (more to come on that topic later). Her cranky-pie mood rubbed off on Zibbit and they have been at each others throats almost constantly, save for brief moments of attempted mutiny where they united forces against me. I’ve been pretty out of it myself. My head is all wrapped up in a writing project that is (gasp!) not intended for my blog, so between trying to simultaneously concentrate on that and keep the girls from murdering each other I’ve been a bit of a ditz. Just ask my empty, burning coffee pot. (Did you know those things only work if you put water in them? Huh.)

Oh, also, it turns out we haven’t renewed our car tabs since OCTOBER. My stint as Beth’s tour guide was briefly interrupted when I got pulled over by the Seattle police. That’s a phone call every husband looks forward to: “Uh, hi honey, I’m just sitting here waiting for the cop to decide whether or not I deserve a ticket…” I totally lucked out though, and got off with a warning. And I only had to show him one of my boobs!

Anyway, things are sort of falling apart at my house, and if it wasn’t for the Mystery Fever and one very nice policeman I would be in a much worse state. I do good with big things, but when tons of tiny stressful things hit me all at once I just kind of lose my mind. Bleh.

filed under Madness, Rambling Along
February 7, 2007 at 1:40 pm
6 comments

Send reinforcements

Children trying to kill me. They are winning. Can’t hold out much longer.

filed under Madness, Mothering
February 5, 2007 at 4:37 pm
8 comments

Happy Birthday to ME

We have a winner! Coming in just under the wire is Morning Glory from Seeds From My Garden. She guessed correctly, folks: today I turned 24.

Our runner up with the best reason for their guess is Karla, who said, “My first thought was 31. You seem more secure with who you are than a twenty something, but still vulnerable. But if you became a mother at a young age….hmmmm. This is hard. My Final Answer……29.”

I like her. She’s nice. Even if she has been duped by all of my bluster and bravado into thinking I’m secure. So check your email today, girls, to see your little lame prize!

Today should be a lot of fun. Beth will be arriving soon to spend the weekend with me, and I think we’re going to take the girls to go paint pottery. Phil didn’t see his shadow, which means spring is coming early and that is fantastic news. Also, the BoBs starts today, so go nominate your favorite blogs! I have some lovely people in mind who deserve recognition for their writing, so I’m off to nominate them now. Have a great day everyone!

filed under Uncategorized
February 2, 2007 at 7:54 am
15 comments

Perfect Post Award and Stupid Contest Time!

This month’s Perfect Post Award is going to a very dear friend of mine. The post she wrote touched my heart because she is dealing with a true, real-life, frightening illness- and she is willing to share that experience with her readers. Please go visit my friend Jenn from The I’mPerfect Mom, and help support her through this process of healing. Read her post “You, Madam, are one diseased lady.” And go visit the other winners at Suburban Turmoil.

< insert segue here >

Tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY! That’s right, I share my special day with that sciophobic groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil.

And also Shakira.

I can’t remember if I’ve ever divulged my age on this blog before, but I don’t think I have. So I thought it would be fun to do a little guessing game! Everyone gets one guess with one number, and the first person to get it right gets a personalized Monk-e-Mail from me (so make sure you comment with a valid email address!). And if you already know because I’ve told you or you know me in person, you don’t get to guess. Cuz that’s how I roll, baby.

I will also send a Hallmark e-card to the person who gives me the best reason for why they guessed their number. Kind of a runner-up prize. And I promise, telling me you think I’m 10 years old because my boobs are so small ain’t gonna get you anywhere.

Bring it on! How old do you think I will be tomorrow?

filed under Uncategorized
February 1, 2007 at 7:11 am
13 comments
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