Me: Ugh, I’ve been so constipated lately.

Him: I’m sorry honey! …You know, I don’t think I’ve ever been constipated in my life.

Me: What are you talking about? You’re constipated all the time!

Him: No, I’m not.

Me: Then why do you spend half an hour in the bathroom every day?

Him: Oh. That’s because I like it.

Me: What?

Him: It’s fun.

Me: What are you talking about?

Him: C’mon, sitting there all by myself in a quiet room… reading a book… with no pants on. It’s awesome!

Me: [stunned silence]