[Before you read this entry, if you haven’t already heard about what happened when Melissa from Suburban Bliss was on the Today show, check out the video, and read up on it here.]

A week or so ago we were putting Babs to bed and dealing with the required nightly whining. “But I’m not tired!” (Giant yawn.) “I’m the kind of girl that doesn’t need to sleep!” (Stumble YAWN stumble.) As always, we read her some books and gave her some kisses and tucked her into bed despite her sleepy protests. I had barely closed the door behind me when I heard her calling me back into her room. Opening the door again I saw that somehow, in the few seconds it took for me to leave her bedside and walk out into the hall, she had taken off all her clothes below the waist, stripped her bed of all covers, toys, and stuffed animals, and peed. Intentionally. When I asked her what the heck she was thinking, she told me, “I thought that if my bed was wet you would let me come sleep with you and Daddy!”

As a mother, you sometimes come across moments where you are at such a loss that you would pay any amount of money to have someone come and get your child through whatever incident transpired while you are somewhere else. Somewhere far, far away. Eating chocolate. A calculated, pre-meditated bed-wetting is unquestionably one of those moments. I do not like cleaning up pee. I do not want to figure out how to explain to her, in a voice that is gentle enough so that she’s not shamed but firm enough that she knows I’m serious, that she cannot control where she sleeps by deciding to pee in her bed. But I have to. I’m her mother. And if I mess it up, I’ll be dealing with repeated episodes of calculated peeing, not to mention the fact that she’ll probably grow up with some kind of peeing complex and cost us thousands of dollars in peeing therapy. (However unlikely that outcome may seem to you non-parents out there, all mothers will tell you that we are constantly overwrought by the thought of how much therapy our children are going to need because of us.)

My point here is that no matter how small, annoying, mundane, or unsavory a task presents itself with our children, not only do we not have a choice whether or not to deal with it, but we aren’t just dealing with it to get through the moment. We are actively parenting during that moment to ensure that our children learn from this experience and use it to grow into a good person. And that, Ms. Viera, is why being a mother is nothing like being a babysitter. How dare you imply that my parenting is worth as much as a fourteen year old’s part time job. Finslippy and Izzymom have both articulated this better than I ever could, both bringing up what I consider to be the core issue here: that mothers are held to an impossibly high standard without ever receiving the respect that should naturally follow from achieving that standard. Why? Because other women are jumping on every opportunity to pick their fellow mothers apart.

I do not drink. And even so, I have absolutely no problem with a mother having a glass of wine at a playgroup, just as I have no problem with a dad indulging in a can of beer as the kids scurry around his feet while he watches the game. I have many reasons for this opinion, but I honestly don’t think that drinking vs. not drinking is what has gotten the internet up in arms about this interview. The fact is, one well-spoken and responsible mother was judged and attacked on national television by two other mothers, just because they don’t agree with her. There were no alternatives offered by Meredith Viera or Dr. Taylor when they gave their opinion that mothers need to find “other ways” to relax and socialize. No solutions were given to something they obviously considered a problem. And I think that’s because the point was not to present a rounded, well-informed piece of news. The point was to judge.

No wonder mothers feel isolated, alone, and unsupported. To become friends with another mother is to risk being cut down by her. And to be honest? I’m not sure I really want the “village” raising my child if the village is full of women like that.