also he hates my floral chairs
When I was in second grade, I was leaving school one day when Ben D. stuck his foot out and tripped me. I fell down the stairs. My mom saw the whole thing and chased him down (go Mom!), finally cornering him by the gym. Turns out, he had a crush on me. Um, dude? I don’t believe that making the girl you like fall flat on her face is one of the Five Love Languages. Why he thought that was a good idea the world may never know.
Boys didn’t make sense to me then, and they still don’t now. My husband likes mushrooms and has to sleep with the fan on. This makes no sense to me. He also hates the Gilmore Girls. See what I mean? I just don’t get him. Sometimes, when we’re lying in bed at night talking about our day (Me: “I really like Rory’s hair this season.” Him: “If we talk about Gilmore Girls one more time my ears will start to bleed.”) I can’t help wondering… what was God thinking?
God waited until the 6th day to create man, which seems like a serious error in judgement. My theory is he was getting a bit tired. Honestly, men and women make the worst couples. We never like the same things, we’re always misinterpreting each other’s attempts at communication, and one half of the couple always leaves their face shavings in the bathroom sink. Wouldn’t it make much more sense if everyone was either male or female? Even though I quite like being a girl, I have to say it would really help streamline my busy day as a stay at home mom if I could pee standing up.
I’ve heard speculations that the male species will eventually become obsolete, and women will take over the world. We may not be able to pee standing up, but imagining a world full of people who each have their own opinion on Rory’s hair and want to discuss that subject at length gives me warm fuzzies inside. Or maybe that’s just the little pieces of beard shavings that were stuck to my toothbrush. Who can really tell.
I would say that you’re mischaracterizing me, but I really do hate the Gilmore Girls. Really.
Comment by Ammon — November 12, 2006 @ November 12, 2006 at 1:23 pm
This is a great post!
I think the whole “streamlining” your day as a stay-at-home mom is brilliant. I had a professor who once said, the only time women had “you know what” envy (just trying to keep your blog off of certain searches) was when they were camping. But I think you may have shed some new light…
I love telling my husband about things that might make his ears start bleeding. It’s just proof of his love.
Comment by Angela — November 12, 2006 @ November 12, 2006 at 5:22 pm
Girl, if it wasn’t for the sex part, I would have been a lesbian a long time ago…..but I rather like the male etc. So a lesbian I am not. It would be so great to have a woman living with you all the time to get fashion advice. “Which shoe looks better?” To which a man stares at you with a blank expression. But a woman will tell you which one and to have one around all the time would be great. And I think I’m going to go crazy if I have to watch one more evening of war stories on the History Channel!!!
;)
Comment by Queen Beth — November 12, 2006 @ November 12, 2006 at 7:33 pm
Ok, I have to side with Ammon about the Gilmore Girls. Sorry. It’s all that quick, witty banter spoken without hardly moving their mouths. And I’m totally confused by the lack of parent/child boundaries. They are both really cute, though. And their town is so picturesque. I’ll give them that.
I’ve always said that we know God was a man because if he’d been a woman he would have created us with more than two arms.
Comment by Karen — November 13, 2006 @ November 13, 2006 at 10:07 am
I’m so behind on Gilmore girls. I missed the the last half of season 5 in an international moving upheaval, and I can’t bring myself to watch again until I’m caught up. Stuck waiting for the DVD. (Sigh)
What I don’t get is why they think they’ve cleaned up the face trimmings when there are still plenty to see right in front of them. Just because you got a lot of them doesn’t mean you’re finished dude, if I can tell you shaved or trimmed recently, then you are not done. Seriously, would they do that kind of half-assed job at work?
BUt I need the Gilmore Girls hating, beard trimming perspective on life to drag me out of my sometimes entirely subjective pity parties, and to help me deal. Even though it’s more fun to live with girlfriends.
Comment by carrien — November 13, 2006 @ November 13, 2006 at 11:12 am
I’m a webwanderer and recently found your blog. I really love his post. In reading the comments, I have to laugh at Queen Beth’s post because my 50+yo mother just said the same thing not too long ago when she, my sister, and I were discussing the male species shortcomings- like their inability to enjoy pillowtalk about TV characters, not understanding the need for more than one pair of black shoes, and thinking that when you fall into the toilet during the middle of the night pee session because they didn’t put the seat down it’s funny!
Comment by Mim — November 14, 2006 @ November 14, 2006 at 5:50 am
This was hilarious!
Comment by misha — November 14, 2006 @ November 14, 2006 at 5:38 pm
Some days I would like to keep my husband in a cage and let him out only for sex… Ok not really but a little bit… As for face trimmings…. GAH! Do not even get me started! The hubby will use trimmers to shave with, never a razor and then LEAVES it there. Just leaves it, no attempt to even wash it down the sink. I once decided to see how long he would leave it… Lets just say that a month later it was still there so I finally raised the white flag and cleaned it myself… BOOOOO!!!!!
Comment by Georgia — November 15, 2006 @ November 15, 2006 at 8:41 am