When I was in second grade, I was leaving school one day when Ben D. stuck his foot out and tripped me. I fell down the stairs. My mom saw the whole thing and chased him down (go Mom!), finally cornering him by the gym. Turns out, he had a crush on me. Um, dude? I don’t believe that making the girl you like fall flat on her face is one of the Five Love Languages. Why he thought that was a good idea the world may never know.

Boys didn’t make sense to me then, and they still don’t now. My husband likes mushrooms and has to sleep with the fan on. This makes no sense to me. He also hates the Gilmore Girls. See what I mean? I just don’t get him. Sometimes, when we’re lying in bed at night talking about our day (Me: “I really like Rory’s hair this season.” Him: “If we talk about Gilmore Girls one more time my ears will start to bleed.”) I can’t help wondering… what was God thinking?

God waited until the 6th day to create man, which seems like a serious error in judgement. My theory is he was getting a bit tired. Honestly, men and women make the worst couples. We never like the same things, we’re always misinterpreting each other’s attempts at communication, and one half of the couple always leaves their face shavings in the bathroom sink. Wouldn’t it make much more sense if everyone was either male or female? Even though I quite like being a girl, I have to say it would really help streamline my busy day as a stay at home mom if I could pee standing up.

I’ve heard speculations that the male species will eventually become obsolete, and women will take over the world. We may not be able to pee standing up, but imagining a world full of people who each have their own opinion on Rory’s hair and want to discuss that subject at length gives me warm fuzzies inside. Or maybe that’s just the little pieces of beard shavings that were stuck to my toothbrush. Who can really tell.