self portrait tuesday: spinal curve
Both of my children were born via C-section. Babs was a big baby, almost 9 1/2 pounds, and my doctor thought that her size was the reason I was unable to push her out. While I was pregnant with Zibbit, I considered a VBAC, but never felt right about it. I was worried that she would be just as big as Babs was, and I would go through labor and pushing and still end up having another surgery. So in the end, she was born via a scheduled C-section, and oooh she was tiny! Barely 7 pounds! I regretted the surgery, and felt sure that I could have managed a vaginal birth with such a small baby.
A year later, we were rear ended at a stoplight. Our car was totaled. Both my husband and I suffered painful whiplash and needed treatment from our chiropractor. Before she began our treatment, she x-rayed both of our backs to make sure she understood the damage from the crash. When she showed me my film, she pointed out that I have significant curves in my spine that have probably been there since birth. As a result of those curves my hips aren’t aligned properly, one of them curved slightly up and out. My tailbone, which should be settled nicely behind my hips, is pulled forward by the misalignment- partially blocking off the birth canal.
When I saw those x-rays, I couldn’t believe it. No wonder I couldn’t push Babs out! Every contraction was shoving her head right into that bone. A vaginal birth was impossible, and without medical intervention we both would have died. It was fascinating to see my spine and my hips… almost like the missing puzzle piece was finally found. I wish I had known before, so that I didn’t put both of our bodies through the trauma of a futile labor, but I’m glad I listened to that feeling I had during my second pregnancy. Even though she was much smaller, Zibbit still never would have fit through the space blocked off by my tailbone. I am so grateful for the modern medicine that enabled me to deliver my children safely, even though my imperfect body made it difficult.
See more self portraits here.

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