This month’s Self Portrait Challenge theme is “me as (fill in the blank)”. So here is me… as a tree, I guess. Or a plant. Something with roots. I find art with roots to be extremely symbolic. Roots convey strength and permanence, a part of you reaching down to grasp handfuls of earth in an effort to stand firm.

I can’t decide whether or not I have roots. On one hand, I live a very stable life in an area of the world that I have called home for my entire life. I have a deep history here, and a life that has blossomed into something so rich and fulfilling that there will never be enough hours in the day to count my blessings. But on the other hand… nothing feels lasting. Every mother’s deepest fear is losing a child and like any mother I try not to take a moment with my family for granted. I know that our lives could be shattered in a heartbeat– a thought that can yank me terrified and breathless from even the deepest sleep.

I have also never felt that sense of belonging that I think must come with having roots. If you’re rooted to a place- a home or a city- you must feel like there is nowhere in the world that could hold you as well as that place. I think you would feel like a part of the landscape, and that something would be missing from that place if you weren’t there. It has always seemed to me that the smallest gust of wind could knock me off my feet, making room here for someone who really belongs. I’m not sure that anywhere could ever really feel like a place where I could put down roots.

But who knows. Maybe I do have them, strong and unbreakable, holding me down tightly to the place where I am truly supposed to be.