the four year old, my harshest critic
Although we barely slept and our spanking new, right-out-of-the-box parenting skills had yet to be broken in, I think that the first year was the easiest. So straight-forward, problems all so easily solved. The second year was physical. She tantrumed and flailed, bolted in parking lots and fought a winning battle against harnesses of any kind. Years three and four were achingly emotional, so many of life’s joys and pains freshly discovered and experienced. Independence was exerted, freedom was explored, feline mortality was heart-breakingly understood but not accepted.
And now, several months in, I’d have to say that the fifth year can be described in one word. One innocent little grouping of letters that doesn’t look like much, but packs a serious wallop. Attitude.
There are many demands. Much whining. It has been made very clear that Mommy has no earthly clue. She has aged ten years in a few short months and I am suddenly dealing with an adolescent that I thought I had ages to prepare for. She is so grown up, saying things like, “Why, thank you!” and “Daddy, could you please remove this strange-looking device from my pony’s tail?” But it is glaringly apparent that although we are needed for general chores and food preparation, we as parents are really only there to annoy her. “Mo-ohhhhhhhhm!” I hear several times a day. Feet firmly planted, tiny hands on non-existent hips, she is comically serious. But I do not dare laugh. It would only prove my ineptitude.
I would write more, about how I have decided to choose my battles and how it seems that the little one, terrifyingly, seems to be aging even more quickly than her big sister and already I have heard a small voice full of irritation calling out “Momeeeeeeeee!”…
…but it seems that the peaches are touching the strawberries on their plates and this is a serious issue that must be dealt with immediately.
LOL!! you have captured the essence of it all in this entry. hats off, and thank God for other clueless parents!
Comment by Jenn — June 20, 2006 @ June 20, 2006 at 5:44 pm
Karli. How did you? Word for word. It’s accurate to the last inflection. God help the mother who thinks this will not be her own.
The hidden gem in your writing is that we - us mamas - when it’s told like it is like you have - are not alone.
I am printing this out and reading it like scripture. It says I am not alone. Despite all the mommys around me with only babies that look at me pityingly. I am not alone.
But how long will this teenageness last now that it started at five?
Draft anyone?
Comment by misha — June 20, 2006 @ June 20, 2006 at 6:05 pm
Ahhh…the joys of little girls. Sassy down to the very last pore. Cuter ‘n heck. Feisty as hell. Wouldn’t live without mine!
Comment by Queen Beth — June 20, 2006 @ June 20, 2006 at 9:02 pm
You nailed it.
I didn’t know 6 would be so hard.
Cute, but hard…much harder then 2. I may not make it through 13.
Comment by bek — June 20, 2006 @ June 20, 2006 at 9:17 pm
Oh man, Karli. This makes me scared like nothing for the years to come. I’ve got so much I’m about to learn.
Comment by Heather — June 20, 2006 @ June 20, 2006 at 9:42 pm
Montessori said that the lessons to be learned from 3 to 6 are the same as those in adolescence. These ages are parallel planes of development and, wow, you can really see that.
My son turns 5 in two weeks and I can tell you that boys do the very same things you described with your girls. I also have a 15 month old who definitely has a mind of her own.
We all just have to do the best we can. We’ll survive right?
Comment by Vikki — June 21, 2006 @ June 21, 2006 at 6:12 am
Amen, sister. I swear if I hear, “But I don’t WAAAANNNNT to!” one more time, my ears will start bleeding. (When it happens, watch for pictures!)
Comment by Susan — June 21, 2006 @ June 21, 2006 at 8:51 am
Dora tells me she can’t pick up her toys/have lunch with me/do anything i might think is a good idea because “she has a headache.” she has also taken to elaborate sighing and eyerolling. and she’s not quite 4 1/2! at least i know she’s not the only one…
Comment by leanna — June 21, 2006 @ June 21, 2006 at 9:20 am
I’m at this point now with Julia and she’s three. She said to me the other day, “I don’t like being three.”
“I don’t like it either,” I thought to myself.
Comment by mamatulip — June 21, 2006 @ June 21, 2006 at 10:20 am
That’s scary! I was dreading the time my girls reach middle school age, but I guess I should be dreading when they turn 5! My 2.5 year old already has too much attitude for my taste. God, grant me patience! It’s my mantra.
Comment by Staci — June 21, 2006 @ June 21, 2006 at 11:17 am
I feel your pain! I have a daughter around that same age group and she too has such an attitude. They are so sour at times, but yet still so sweet!
Comment by Terra — June 21, 2006 @ June 21, 2006 at 11:38 am
You took the thoughts right out of my head. Whoever it is that has invaded my newly four-year-old’s body is frightening.
Comment by Alicia — June 22, 2006 @ June 22, 2006 at 2:08 pm
Hey, you’re back! I thought you had closed up blog shop?
You’re back!!
Comment by Kestrel — June 23, 2006 @ June 23, 2006 at 5:18 am
My four 1/2 year old boy is already doing this. He tries to reason with me, unfortunately he is still mostly incapable of reason, but it’s funny to watch.
Comment by carrien — June 23, 2006 @ June 23, 2006 at 12:38 pm
Your attitude determines your altitude. They’re all just stretching their wings a bit. Poor moms.
It’s still better than adolescence - boys have not yet entered the picture.
Er, at least I hope so :>)
Comment by the Mater — June 24, 2006 @ June 24, 2006 at 3:21 am
i’m with your girls on this one. those peaches shouldn’t be touching the strawberries. its harassment.
Comment by Steven — June 24, 2006 @ June 24, 2006 at 8:06 pm
What was it she kept saying today at my house? I can’t remember now but she cracks me up.
Comment by Kathryn, DYM — June 27, 2006 @ June 27, 2006 at 12:14 am
Don’t lose your sense of humor mom!! Write some of those things down in their books - when they have kids someday, you can drag the books out and make their day!!
Comment by Grandi — June 29, 2006 @ June 29, 2006 at 7:56 am
I’m SO glad to know that this is somewhat normal. Somebody please tell me it will pass. My newly 4 year old son has taken to a screaming/flying fit recently. He winds up his whining to a near scream as he runs in place, gearing up for take off, and when he finally launches–goes running/screaming to the farthest recess of the house where he pouts until he is over it but is easily sent into repeat sessions after emerging–at first I was grateful he was going to another room but alas, even that was a short lived consolation as this “phase” wears on. It’s about to make me pull my hair out. I though it was just a phase but he seems to prefer this form of tantrum and has now added the “No, I will not, and you will not make me” attitude along with it. I need to nip it in the bud before his 19 mo. old sister picks it up. Lord help us!
Comment by Kim — February 20, 2007 @ February 20, 2007 at 10:35 am