death. donuts. death.
We are on our way home. Right now, I have my laptop on the tray attached to the seat in front of me as we hurtle through the air, thousands of feet above the ground, at speeds I can’t think about without hyperventilating.
I think that I must be single-handedly keeping this plane in the air through sheer force of will. We’re not going to crash. We’re not going to crash. We’re not going to crash. I have no idea how all of the other passengers can sit there so calmly, chatting with their neighbors and cracking jokes with the flight attendants. Haven’t they ever seen Lost? Don’t they know what HAPPENS to people who fly? You die, that’s what. You die or you spend the rest of your life fighting psychotic lunatics on an island out in the middle of freaking nowhere. I think we all need to be holding hands, chanting religious texts and maybe singing kumbayah. The lady sitting next to me doesn’t seem into that sort of thing, though. She’s just sitting there reading her stupid magazine, apparently not thinking about what it would feel like to explode. It would hurt a LOT, lady!
I think the reason flying scares me so much is because I have no control. In a car or boat or train, you still have the ability to take your life in your own hands if something goes wrong. But you can’t jump out of a plane. If something bad happens, you’re just screwed. Has anyone ever actually used their seat cushion as a flotation device? I bet that once you hit the water, there isn’t going to be enough of you left to hold on to anything.
Ok, let’s try some distraction… You know what I’m going to miss about California? The hotel breakfasts. I got very accustomed to eating two mini boxes of Special K cereal, one little cup of OJ, and a donut with sprinkles. The breakfast of champions, my friends.
Crap.
The fasten seatbelt light just came on. Please excuse me while I go freak the heck out.
LOL! I’m so glad you’re home safe and not perishing with monsters on a scary island.
Comment by Heather — February 11, 2006 @ February 11, 2006 at 10:08 pm
Glad you’re home! Don’t forget about the other great plane crash on an island . . . “The Lord of the Flies”. Hmmm, it would interesting to contemplate what type of tribe members the small Babs and Zibbit would become. Good times.
Comment by Karen — February 12, 2006 @ February 12, 2006 at 7:59 am
You are not going to crash because the sheer force of my adoration of you is keeping your plane up in that air! Fly! Airplane! Fly! Bring Karli safely home so I can continue to bug her on Messenger!!!!!!!
Comment by Queen Beth — February 12, 2006 @ February 12, 2006 at 9:07 am
Found you via Friday Playdate and I sooo identify with this post. I have grown progressively more nervous about flying over the years. I am already nervous about going skiing next month, when we have to take two jet flights and then a third on a small plane (a small plane!!) to get to Durango. I am seriously thinking about seeing a doctor and asking for valium just for the flights there and back. I hate being nervous.
Anyway, thanks for making me feel not so alone! I’ll be back!
Comment by Lucinda — February 12, 2006 @ February 12, 2006 at 10:14 am
On September 13, 2001, I took my infant son and GOT ON AN AIRPLANE, the first one cleared to leave Oklahoma City, and flew to Albuquerque. I was very calm and rational until I got to my parents’ house; the next morning I informed my father that he would have to drive me and the baby back to OKC because no way no how was I getting back on an airplane.
I’m a terrible flyer now, but since I always have my children with me, I am compelled to keep it together. And what really kills me is that in all those years, before kids and terrorists, I used to LOVE to fly. Sigh.
Comment by Susan — February 12, 2006 @ February 12, 2006 at 2:04 pm
OH! And, I am ALL about the doughnut. With icing and sprinkles.
I might need one right now, in fact.
Comment by Susan — February 12, 2006 @ February 12, 2006 at 2:06 pm
I’ll assume you got home safely. I, too, hate to fly. There’s something so wrong about it.
I meant to ask earlier, you ever get that photo processed?
Comment by Chris — February 13, 2006 @ February 13, 2006 at 7:12 am
Glad your back!!!
Comment by Linsey — February 13, 2006 @ February 13, 2006 at 12:48 pm
Oh man. I hate flying. The worst is turbulence. Then I am totally convinced that we’re all gonna die.
Comment by Stephanie — February 13, 2006 @ February 13, 2006 at 1:25 pm
Glad you made it back safe and sound.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Comment by Kimmy — February 14, 2006 @ February 14, 2006 at 10:16 am
Those arms? THEY LOOK JUST LIKE MINE. Maybe I’ll post mine next week. Tee hee.
Comment by christina — February 15, 2006 @ February 15, 2006 at 5:03 am