self portrait tuesday: recent history
This is a picture of me when I was eight months pregnant with Zibbit. I absolutely love this picture.
It was taken about two years ago, so it’s not that far back in my history, but I decided to use it because being pregnant was a very important experience for me. When my belly began to swell with my first pregnancy, I realized that it was the first time in my life that I truly felt like a woman. Suddenly I had curves! I was soft and supple. The sharp angles and boyish figure I had carried my entire life were now padded and feminine. The fact that I was actually creating a person inside my body was incomprehensible- even the second time. So much of my teenage years were spent ostracized and made fun of for not looking like a girl. I was tall, bony, lanky… completely unlike any other girl I knew. Pregnancy was a validation for me. It made me realize that my body had the same capabilities and strengths of any other woman, even if I felt different from them on the outside. I relished every move the baby made, and every pound I gained made me feel more beautiful.
Sometimes I look back on the pictures of me during my pregnancies, and think “how in the world could I have felt attractive when I looked like that?” I see the stretch marks and swollen feet and blotchy cheeks, and I cringe with embarrassment at having ever flaunted that bloated body. But then I remember the hours I spent examining my ever changing body with wonder. I remember running my fingers over my tight, strained skin, completely in awe of my body’s ability to stretch and conform to seemingly impossible limits in order to accommodate the growing life within. I felt like a living miracle, proof of the wonders God has created on this earth. I remember lying in bed at night and lifting up the sheet so I could let go and watch it waft gently down, draping across the curves of my breasts and my bulging stomach. I remember the intense feeling of femaleness that I had during my pregnancies, and it makes me look at the photos differently. Instead of criticizing every flaw and imperfection, I see myself the way I remember feeling: as a round, amazing, phenomenal woman. I don’t ever want to forget how I changed during my pregnancies. I’ll have the physical reminders forever- my C-section scar, my nursed-to-extinction breasts… but those are nothing compared to the changes I experienced emotionally. I am proud of my body, of what it has done and can do. And I am proud to be a woman.
This is the last photo for this month’s Self Portrait Tuesday theme, “Personal History”. To see more self portraits, go to the Self Portrait Tuesday blog.
Amen to that. Beautiful post.
Comment by Theresa — February 1, 2006 @ February 1, 2006 at 7:13 am
Karli, I had the same experience being pregnant. It was an extrememly spiritual experience for me. I marveled at the miracle of the life inside me. I felt beautiful and I felt like off all the things in the world I could ever do, this was the most important.
Comment by Queen Beth — February 1, 2006 @ February 1, 2006 at 7:19 am
That’s when I first met you. Maybe that’s why I love that picture so much. Also, it’s gorgeous and so is this post.
Comment by Kathryn, the DYM — February 1, 2006 @ February 1, 2006 at 8:15 am
ahhhhh… that’s such a sweet pix!!!!! i dont think i have any of when i was pregnant…. i think cause i’m always the one taking pix in the family!
when you get a sec, can you head over to my blog and follow the links to vote for me in a blog contest i am in this week? thanks!
Comment by killired — February 1, 2006 @ February 1, 2006 at 11:02 am
What an amazing post! I also had this experience. Learning to love my body and what it is made for didn’t happen until I became a mom. Thank God for that amazing experience.
Comment by Heather — February 1, 2006 @ February 1, 2006 at 12:00 pm
I had a similar experience when I was pregnant for the first time. It took us two and a half years to get pregnant with Henry, and I felt, for much of that time, like my body was out to get me. But then we made a baby! and it was amazing. I felt so peaceful and strong and happy, even though I really didn’t like the actual being pregnant part all that much. I was just so amazed that an actual PERSON was growing inside me.
And now I look at that little person every day and think, good lord, where did you COME from?
Comment by Susan — February 1, 2006 @ February 1, 2006 at 7:28 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
Comment by Liz — February 2, 2006 @ February 2, 2006 at 10:09 am
Love the pic. I can’t wait to expierience that.
Comment by Bethany — February 2, 2006 @ February 2, 2006 at 11:00 am
That is indeed a beautiful picture.
Comment by Jess — February 2, 2006 @ February 2, 2006 at 11:01 am
this is a lovely post.
Comment by Lou — February 2, 2006 @ February 2, 2006 at 11:16 am
Beautiful picture, beautiful post. I too loved being pregnant and not just because of the freedom it afforded me to gorge myself on Taco Bell without a single peep from hubby.
Comment by Lauren — February 2, 2006 @ February 2, 2006 at 8:40 pm
And happy belated birthday, amiga!
Comment by Heather — February 3, 2006 @ February 3, 2006 at 10:45 am
That picture reminds me off my wife Heidi when she was pregnant with our second child. Merry just loved her pregnant belly, and so did I.
Comment by Peter — February 4, 2006 @ February 4, 2006 at 10:51 am
Proud To Be A Woman
Stretch marks are a small price to pay for the wonder of pregnancy….
Trackback by Skin Care News — February 6, 2006 @ February 6, 2006 at 7:23 pm